Life, This week.

I have like no life right now..
I need something..exciting and fun to do.

This week..has been weird.
So many different things being thrown my way, this wasnt what i wanted. I didnt want bad stuff and shit thrown in my life, i just wanted excitement.

Anyway, warped is this wed. Im pretty excited, this will be my 3rd time. :)
I loooveee warped! I love concerts.
Also we most likely get to drive ourselfs, so we can stay untill it closes if we want.

I just want it to be here already. <3

Emma

Pickin up my little baby today.
She broke her foot and had to get surgery on it.
I miss her, and i hope everything will go ok.
I love you Emma louise.

Given up.

I have my flaws, I make my mistakes and I'm not a perfect...or easy person to deal with.
I am stubborn, and I hold an angry argument. I'm protective and moderately jealous as well.
But when I love...I give it all I have, I put my heart and soul into it and I don't let anyone tell me different, I always take care of the one I love no matter what.


I feel a sense of defeat...like I have no more left, I'm finally done.
I've been wondering when this day would come, and when I would finally just...give up, and well I have....I have given up

Different levels of the devils company

This world, my calling.

Its been awhile..
Things..are a little better..
I'm still struggling with alot of stuff.
I hate what this world has become..
I feel..i dont even belong in it.
Like how come i was put on this earth?
Whats my life purpose?
All i do is sit here..and watch the world fly by..Is there a reason im here?
Is there a reason i have to watch the destruction of this world? am i ment to do something?
So many questions..with no answers.
I would like to find my calling.
Id like it to be great. Something i can do to make this world better, or make people happy.

Theres something out there, just for me.
I just have to find it.

So far

Its been awhile..
Lots of things have happened.
Ryan and I broke up.
Im hanging out with friends more.
Im getting help for my depression.
Im actually having a goodtime with my friends.

I'll update more later. :) <3

Today. :)

Had the most amazing day with Ryan and my family at the zoo. :)

I lovie you, Ryan Tew.

Summer :)

Besides a few fights here and there with my bestfriend, ive been having a good summer.
Been seein my love more often. :) <3
Hes coming with us to the zoo this weekend.
Er well thats if his mama lets him.

My 17th birthday will be coming up soon to. <3
As well as Ryans 16th. His is on the 12th of July mines of the 20th. :P
<333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

Fall Apart

So, This week..even though its the first week of summer..hasent been much fun.
Reason of the untold..but..just take my word.
Sometimes..I wish i could go back in time.
Fix the stuff i fucked up with.
But i cant.

Thats life..mistakes..regrets..sadness.
It all comes with life.
and i cant change that..
My life will soon fall apart..

Summer love.

So the last day of school for me is this tuesday. My boyfriend and bestfriend doesnt get off till like friday, ima be so bored while theyre in school.

But im so glad school is ending, so ready for a break. Plus we have a longer summer since theyre distroying the school to make a parking lot. Dont worry...they built another school. lol
We have like 4 months of break. :D
Sooooo happy. xD
but next year i only have like a month off.

Im not excited for next summer..since my boyfriend is moving..ugh.
Im gonna miss him sooo freaking much!
Ima go crazy without him.

Well besides summer a near, nothing much has happened.

Wishing

I wish everything could be alright.

Amazing.

Had the most AMAZING time with me Babeh today. :)
I Love you so much Ryan Tew. <3

You complete me.

Undead Heart - Vampire Everywhere!

Oh the kiss scene. Swept me off my feet. <33

Love

God, I love Ryan Tew. :)
That is all. <3

Sick

Came home early from school today.
I remember when i first made this blog, it was one of the days i stayed home with the flu.

Now, warm tea, hot bath, love songs and sleep.
I feel better already.

Honestly.

I don't want to go another day
So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind
Seems like everybody is breaking up
And throwing their love away
But I know I got a good thing right here
That's why I say, hey

Nobody gonna love me better
I'mma stickwitu forever
Nobody gonna take me higher
I'mma stickwitu

You know how to appreciate me
I'mma stickwitu, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I'mma stickwitu

I don't want to go another day
So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind
See the way we ride in our private lives
Ain't nobody getting in between

I want you to know that you're the only one for me
And I say

Nobody gonna love me better
I'mma stickwitu forever
Nobody gonna take me higher
I'mma stickwitu

You know how to appreciate me
I'mma stickwitu, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I'mma stickwitu

And now
Ain't nothing else I could need
And now
I'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me

I got you
We'll be making love endlessly
I'm with you
Baby, you're with me

So don't you worry about
People hanging around
They ain't bringing us down

I know you and you know me
And that's all that counts

So don't you worry about
People hanging around
They ain't bringing us down

I know you and you know me
And that's, that's why I say, hey

Nobody gonna love me better
I'mma stickwitu forever
Nobody gonna take me higher
I'mma stickwitu

You know how to appreciate me
I'mma stickwitu, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I'mma stickwitu

Nobody gonna love me better
I'mma stickwitu forever
Nobody gonna take me higher
I'mma stickwitu

You know how to appreciate me
I'mma stickwitu, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I'mma stickwitu

Mmm tasty.

Boy, can i come to your candy shop?
Oh baby.

What it do babyboo?

Ryan, Happiness.

I have found happiness in darkness.
Ryan Tew, you are simply..amazing!
Never ever leave me! You make me soo happy i can jump for joy.
Im so happy you came into my life!
Gosh, i could go on forever about you!
But i just cant express in words about how much i love you. <33

The beats..to your heart.

Im lost in a world...i dont understand.

The beats to your heart are numbered

We are here for a moment, and it’s all over in the blink of an eye. 
The future is nonexistent, the past is gone forever, and the only thing that’s real, is the present. we do not last forever, but the purpose of this time is to create something that will.

What can i say?

What can I say, What can I do?
This is who I am and I am hurting you

Promise me...

Into the fire on my own
I know I wont see your face again, hey
Are you sitting there alone, hey

Are you thinking like me of the laughing times or of the sad and loving times
Everything that's left from us is there where you are!

Promise me to think of us as a time so beutiful.
Promise me to think of us still bright still colorfull.
Promise me to look back at us as a time in your life you injoyed.

Surounded by flames everywhere
What I used to be im not even there
The absence of you is killing me, hey

Are you thinking like me of the laughing times or of the sad and loving times
everything that's left from us is there where you are

Promise me to think of us as a time so beutiful.
Promise me to think of us still bright still colorfull
Promise me to look back at us as a time in your life you injoyed

Promise me, Promise me, I will be fine without you

Promise me, Promise me, There's more in my life to see you

Promise me, Promise me, I will be fine without you

Promise me, Promise me, There's more in my life to see you

Can you promise me to see you?

Can you promise me..

Promise me to think of us as a time so beutiful.(so beutiful)
Promise me to think of us still bright still colorfull(still colorfull)
Promise me to look back at us as a time in your life you injoyed

Hunniebunnie

I had the most amazing time with my Hunnie.
I wish my dad didnt ruin it by showing up.

I miss you, Hunnie.

Jon Sory.

3 years today.
Rest in peace bro!
Youre dearly missed.
<33

Osama Bin Laden is dead?!

Osama Bin Laden is dead!
I dont know if this is good..or bad..
Bc the people that follow him are probably super fucking pissed!

Revenge is a bitch dude, we might get hit hard.

Kind of afraid of what might happen.
I just pray everything will be okay.

I pray to God. Please keep us safe and return our soliders safe and sound soon.
Please end this was God. Amen.

I hope everything turns out for the better.

My day.

Today was amazing.
Saw my boy today, We hung out with Julia, Gage, and Darion.

Even if we froze our asses off, but it was fun!

I love you, Ryan Tew. <3

Just Leave..

Im hated here...
Maybe i should just leave..
But..where would i go?

It never ends..the fighting, me failing...it all never ends..

Piercings, hate and leaving.

I havent posted anything in awhile.
Sorry about that, ive been busy.

So recently ive pierced my second set of holes in my ears and gauged my other ones.

I'm pretty sure my mom hates me now though.
We got into a pretty bad fight and she told me she never wants to speak to me again.
So yeah, she like hates my guts.

Looks like i'll be leaving the house sooner than i thought. :/

Death, Life, Dreams, & Love.

There is such a thin line between life and death.
Some of us dont realize this..
Life is so easy to love, but so easy to hate.
Live for today, not for yesterday.
Live for the future. Life is in the eyes of the beholder. You make it what its worth.

Dream as you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

Make the most of what you can. And dont lay in the past. The past will only haunt you.

Somebody

I miss you.

Amazing Night, Fun Day Ahead.

My weekends been goin good.
An amazing friday night with my boy, now for a fun saturday at Chuck E Cheese with my bestfriend.

I tell ya how it goes later. :)

Love, Amazing, Boyfriend.

I had the most amazing night.
Ryan came over, we had a great time. <3
But now that hes gone, i miss him soo much.

I cant wait till i can see him again.
I Love You, Ryan. <3

Today, Bullshit, Love, and hair dye.

So today, it wasnt bad at first.
Almost got into another fight with Mr. Hinkle though. But i didnt, thank god.

i dyed my hair today, i re-dyed it my red color that i love so much. Lulz.

Though i fell into a crying fit earlier, bc all my stress and problems caught up to me.
But Ryan<3 his friend Gage, My sis and my cousin made me feel better.

Thanks for being there guys, I love you.

Phone, Friday. Love.

So i got my phone back today.
Thank god, bc i was gonna die without it. Lawl
Anyway, Ryan and i are doin good. :)
He and i are gonna have friday together so he can meet my daddy-o and such.
Soo excited! This week is gonna go by so slowly!

I cant wait to see him, so i can give him tonz of kisses!! :D

I cant express how happy hes made me. :)

Happiness.

Still feelin that happiness from yesterday. :)
Thank you Gabby, Ryan and Tyler for making my day yesterday.

Though i wish i wasnt grounded still.
Im gonna try my hardest not to get in trouble so i can see them all next weekend.

BUT my moms being rude and says i cant go to Gabbys only she can come over here till Ryan meets my parents or something like that.

Honestly. Id LIKE TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE AND NOT STAY IN THIS HOUSE, ive been locked up for forever. Why would i wanna spend my weekend here?!

Seriously.

My love

So today was really good. :)
I didnt expect to get to see him or my bestfriend today, but i did.

That kid right thurr has made me super happy.
I love you Ryan Tew. <3

Right now, slowly..

I wish i wasnt alone right now..I wanna see my friends. I wanna go outside..but i wanna keep talking to Ryan<3 I need my phone. : /

I wanna hang with Gabby and her dad putput golfing..I wanna be with people..I wanna do something..im gonna die in this house.

Im gonna slowly die.

Unexplained

this is where heaven and hell collide

Ghost

Funny when you find a temporary way to fill a void so you can feel complete for a moment, but when the filler fades away it takes even more of you with it, and there you are, emptier than you were to begin with. 

Its true, one moment youre so full of life, then next..youre dead. Empty. Gone. Lifeless.
Like nothing can make you happy..

Its a sad realization..

But I am higher. I will find my place in this world. And i will make the best of life.
Even in the dark areas of life..there must be some gray. Its not just black and white anymore, not for me. There will be gray. and in that gray, i will find complete happiness.

My happines..my happiness to own. Completely mine.

My gray in happiness..Gabby and Ryan
My sisters, Julia..all my friends.

You are my gray.

Never look back

Im sick of this..
Im always being yelled at..
I wanna go far away right now...and never look back.

So..this week.

I know, I havent been on in awhile. I kept forgetting..but im gonna try to get on everyday.

Well today is 4/7/2011, and on the 5th..guess what!? no guesses? ohkay ill tell you anyway, I started dating a very special dood. xD

His names Ryan. :3 Oh and also got suspended that day, haha what a wonderful week aint it. I got into a fight with my mom, some chick at school and mr hinkle got me suspended I also got my phone taken away. Everyone just hates me this week. haha

So ive got a big summer comming up, ive got warped tour, Vampires Everywhere! is coming to town, im going to sixflags with my number one girl Gabby, i might be going out of state..twice! Maybe 3 times if i visit my family out of state, and im taking belly dancing classes this summer. Theres more..but at the moment..i cant think of anymore. xD

Should be a very fun summer! :) Maybe the best?

Ill try to write errday! <3

Complete and utter BULLSHIT.

All of the schools around my town..is closed.
WTF Mascoutah! WTF!!!

Snow, Snow, Snow.

So, Today i didnt have nor do i have school tomorrow. This is gonna be a great week. aha.

Allllll today ive been sitting around watching the history channel. There was a movie about Dracula, whom i love. lol I love anything about vampires as long as its not like twilight. the twilight vampires are a bunch of fags.
Annndd there was a movie on Dinosaurs WHOM i also love. I was sooo happy. hahah.

I wish i had a dinosaur.

My heart it aches, my blood it boils

Did you hear about what happened to Egypts ancient artifacts? Alot of them were destroyed! I cant believe someone would do that. Those were things we cant get back. They even beheaded some of the mummies! Why the fuck would someone do that.

Today, this week.

The deal was for me to get my purple glasses for Justins movie i have to do all the laundry in the house, I Offically HATE laundry. I've done like 8 loads and im still not done. Ugh. but hopefully it wont take much longer. Ive got like 4 maybe 5 more loads if that.

Schools tomorrow..I really don't wanna go. I have this paper due soon, and i really dont wanna do it. Plus, I have a project in Communications i have to do. It's called the decades project. Its where we have to do a whole 30 to an hour long presentation on a decade. My group has the 70's. I hate doing presentations. I hate writing papers. Lol my paper is on the color red. I have to write about what that color stands for and how it communicates. blaahh!

Your Average Person.

On todays note, I got my purple glasses! Soo excite to see his movie. I know its not my usual, bbuuttt i am a JB fan. I know i know. But i cant deny him. Lol :)

On another note, im trying to raise my grades, im falling behind again and im failing. I need to step up i know, but sometimes..i feel like im drowing in everything. I really hate all this stress. Im pretty much a failure to my parents. My older sister completed highschool and is in college, my younger sister is really smart and makes good grades. but me, I cant do anything right, I dont dress in the style they'd like me, i dont make really good grades, And it doesnt look like ill graduate on time, or at all. Im a complete failure..

But thats my life..im not a good student, i dress in black, i like heavy music, and im just not your average person.

Night

Hot tea, the sweet sounds of digital bath,a warm blanket, and cuddling with poohbear(my dog)Mmmm, what a way to end the day. :)

Pharaoh

The most powerful person in ancient Egypt was the pharaoh. The pharaoh was the political and religious leader of the Egyptian people, holding the titles: 'Lord of the Two Lands' and 'High Priest of Every Temple'.
As 'Lord of the Two Lands' the pharaoh was the ruler of Upper and Lower Egypt. He owned all of the land, made laws, collected taxes, and defended Egypt against foreigners.

As 'High Priest of Every Temple', the pharaoh represented the gods on Earth. He performed rituals and built temples to honour the gods.
Many pharaohs went to war when their land was threatened or when they wanted to control foreign lands. If the pharaoh won the battle, the conquered people had to recognise the Egyptian pharaoh as their ruler and offer him the finest and most valuable goods from their land.

Why is my time wrong on thiS? How do i fix that? Because when i post this its 1:19pm but it says a whole different time...Hmm..

Give me ideas?

http://twitter.com/aashbbyy
I really have nothing to do today. Give me ideas?

Happiness?

Pizza rolls. Yes? I always eat them when im upset. Theyre like chocolate for me. Mmmmm pizzarolls...mmmmmmmm. :)

Darkness

Everything looks better when the sun goes down

The Truth Inside Our Lies

Never stop believing in yourself, you wont get anywhere if don't believe in yourself. Just because someone says you can't, doesnt mean you wont. Don't listen to the negative things people say. I know someone of you don't like Justin Bieber, but go off what he says, NeverSayNever. He worked hard, believed in himself and never gave up. && look where he is today! The kid is winning Grammy awards,&& he has millions on girls screaming his name. Believe in yourself, && NeverSayNever!

A Short Moment Ago

So, im kinda new at this. But from now on im going to post what i see, do and hear till the day i die, or just stop using this. haha don't expect to hear from everyday though, sometimes i'll forget, or i just wont post that day.
But it's all the same, im sick right now so im gonna post sometime later. Lateerr. you can also find me at
http://twitter.com/aashbbyy